


He has a name.

by rGo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Demons, Gen, Sons, fathers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-22
Updated: 2012-10-22
Packaged: 2017-11-16 20:37:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/543590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rGo/pseuds/rGo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even the perfect are flawed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He has a name.

He has a name: Sam. Not that it matters.  
We've had hundreds of names, maybe thousands. I've lost track.  
None of them the names our Father gave us at the beginning of time.

Whatever his name is now, he is always “He Who must be Protected”. He is my charge and my responsibility; commanded upon me by our Father. In the moment before the first sunrise, He forever marked me “He Who Protects”. It is my duty. 

A punishment, inflicted onto me by an angry Father, for daring to love another more than Him. Barred from paradise until I repent, renounce my love for him and ask Father for forgiveness. 

But I will not. My love for “He Who must be Protected” has outlasted millenia. Outlasted countless repetitions of Father’s sick game. Age after age after age, we repeat the same scenes. Barreling into the same ending, time after time after time. But I know I can save him ...

Father’s grace and forgiveness know no bounds. Nor does His cruelty.

And upon us He heaped this tortuous game. Laying it upon me to keep “He Who must be Protected” and in the same omnipotent breath -- destining him to destroy himself. 

I imagine He smiles watching “He Who must be Protected” fight against his own punishment -- the seed of Darkness, that He put inside him-- the seed that will eventually consume him.

I envision His satisfaction each time I learn that to save “He Who must be Protected” from the Darkness, I must send him back to Father -- and be without him eternally. 

I picture the entire Host of Heaven looking down on us, bemused and disinterested, as we struggle. As I try over and over and over to change the inevitable outcome. I delight in their horror as they see us, entwined in each other, enjoying the only comfort we will ever really have. I hurl into Father’s face, my love for him; the love that expelled us from our home. The reason He cast out His sons.

I fling every curse I have learned against Him as He sits on high, beaming down righteous condescension as He watches me fail and crumble. Watching me choke in my own despair knowing that I have failed everyone -- again. 

Failed “He Who must be Protected”, letting him succumb to the Darkness; Failed Father’s charge to protect him; Failed myself for being unable to put his salvation above my fear of being alone - and purposeless.

And Father, in His “grace”, allows us to repeat our little morality play, again. Another chance to repent.  
Another chance to recant our love and tell Father how we were wrong and how He was right and wise. 

Another opportunity to experience the mind-breaking horror of remembering every past failure. Another opportunity to marvel at Your sadism -- as You leave “He Who must be Protected” unaware, with no chance to realize his past mistakes or change his future.

I swear that I will never rejoin the Host of Heaven, I will always choose him over You.

I swear that I will save “He Who must be Protected”. 

I swear I will always be “He Who Protects”

And I will find a way, Father.  
Even if it takes a thousand more lifetimes,  
I will find a way.

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe a little darker and angstier than I intended starting out. It really was just Sam & Dean as the embodiment of these conflicted codependent archetypes (very S5 I guess). 
> 
> The animosity and resentment kind of found its way through ... so yeah.. 
> 
>  
> 
> Critique appreciated.


End file.
